Keeping the Covenant

Our story through love, time, and public transportation in Philadelphia, PA.

In 1992, was the first time I saw the man who would become my spouse was in the Germantown section of the city. He was too cute, and I assumed he had a girlfriend. I would see him on quiet streets in the neighborhood and occasionally on the H bus route. Steven told me that he had seen me in the neighborhood in 1990 (You never know who is’ watching you.) He said he saw me with a royal blue shopping cart taking my laundry to the laundromat. Without words, I noticed him, and he noticed me and then eventually, we noticed each other (God had to work on us both). The first words we spoke to each other were on 05/06/95 at the H/XH bus stop at the intersection of Greene Street and Schoolhouse Lane. We were formally introduced by a mutual friend (my cousin’s prom date) on SEPTA’s southbound route 53 bus in 1995. We exchanged numbers. Our first phone call lasted more than 3 hours.

One of our first dates was a porch date on a warm Sunday evening in the spring. Our first big date was to spend the day together on June 30, 1995. We walked around our favorite places in Center City Philadelphia. We had lunch at Ishkabibbles on South Street. He was 34 and I was 31. At that time, we were both battle-scared in love but not rebounding. We both had kissed our share of frogs and toads. I believe that those lost romantic battles paved the way for the right person to come along. I was shocked when he introduced me to his mother on our first date. He said he was impressed with me when I invited him to church (He gave up an afternoon pickup basketball game with his friends.) I grew up in Thankful Baptist Church being a member since 1975 at age 11. Steven eventually joined Thankful in 2012. When we started dating, SEPTA was our mode of transportation since neither of us had a car at the time. We would ride on the 53 bus to get to Broad Street and Erie Avenue. A kiss for luck and we would start our workday. He would meet me and greet me with a kiss when I got off the R8 Train (Now Chestnut Hill West Line) train at the Chelten Avenue Station from my part-time job in the evening and walk me home. We rode the Market-Frankford Line to see fireworks at Penn’s Landing and traveling southbound on the Orange Broad Street Line to cheer on the Sixers and the Phillies. We have rarely been apart since. 

Steven and I married on Valentine’s Day in 1996 at City Hall by Judge Goodheart. He was age 35 and I was age 32. A reporter from WPVI Channel 6 Action News interviewed us after the ceremony. The first family issue, we all (Friends and relatives) got stuck in the elevator in City Hall leaving the courthouse. One day at work, Steven called me on the telephone and said, “Hello Wife.” I looked at the phone and said, “Hello Spouse.” The endearments have stuck and lasted ever since. When I address our anniversary cards, “Spouse” is on the envelope, with my signature, ‘Wife’. Over the past 25 years, 2 children, 2 cats, 4 cars, 1 apartment and 2 houses later, we still manage to make things work. My Mother-in-law once said that we were two late bloomers who met and married.

One thing that keeps our marriage intact is having more than one television in the house. Steven likes sports and old classic Turner Classic Movies. I call those movies “dead people acting.” I will keep the TV on all night long and let CNN and the Hallmark movies put me to sleep. Steven calls my sappy and predictable Hallmark Channel movies “Tripe.” Our date night is on Tuesday so that we can watch NCIS together. When I think about our upcoming milestone 25th anniversary, it is amazing to be a part of something that has lasted so long. I love how my husband never forgets birthdays and our anniversary. Unfortunately, the pandemic has not given me a chance to really focus on a proper celebration. When life gets back to normal, a vacation celebrating our life together is due to us.

Marriage may not be a job, but it is work. In every marriage, communication and prayer is key. Steven said that Pastor Ross advised him that prayer with your wife will make your marriage fuller. Steven is clearly the better communicator. He leaves almost nothing out. I am constantly working on that part of our marriage. It drives him crazy when I change plans on the fly and that I choose to take the scenic route on driving trips. I appreciate when he calls to discuss important matters thus keeping the line of communications open. Recently He called me to see if it was okay to work a full day at the Library in a separate section away from the public during the pandemic. I appreciated that he was considerate enough to tell me what is going on with him. He loves my cooking even though my first attempt at making crab cakes was an epic fail. They looked like hockey pucks. My pasta and chicken meatballs are one of his favorite dishes. When the minister, or judge (In our case) says, “For better or for worse”, they are telling the truth. The better can always be better, and the worse is the test that makes you or breaks you. Some arguments force us to go to neutral corners. Sometimes we agree to disagree. We have agreed more than not. Marriage teaches you to pick  your battles because some battles are not worth the grief. Sometimes you must surrender your will, and mend what is broken to keep the covenant. I believe our evolving faith and our village has strengthened our marriage. The passage in the church covenant we recite on Communion Sundays says it best about celebrating joy and with tender sympathy, bearing each other sorrows and burdens. We have seen each other through serious illnesses and deaths of parents and grandparents, and we have held each other up. We still have our separate friends, but we also have relationships with other married couples.

When we purchased a home of our own in 2013, we decided to stay in Germantown because of close access to bus routes and regional rail stations. Steven and I still coordinate our schedules and we will meet at Jefferson Station on Fridays after work to go to Reading Terminal to get groceries from the Farmer’s markets and ride home together. Along our journey, we know couples who have successfully remained in their marriages and those whose marriages unfortunately failed. After 25 years, we still enjoy each other’s company and take walks along Penn’s Landing and find ourselves running to get the last Chestnut Hill East or Chestnut Hill West train for the night. The use of Philadelphia’s SEPTA public transportation system remains a big part of how we are moving around in the city for work, play and to look out the window and watch the world go by and watch sunshine surrender to moonlight. We have been blessed with the first 25 years and with God’s grace and blessing, we will celebrate 25 more. 

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